Absent parents often wish to re-introduce themselves to their children as they see their children growing up. On this page Kate & Emily give some tips on how to do this.
The father/mother of my children isn’t around, how can we have a relationship with him/her?
Kate & Emily firmly believe that having a good image of the absent parent, and recognising their importance alongside the fact that he or she is just not around at all, is essential. They know that their ideas around co-parenting could feel irrelevant to parents who are doing it all on their own, but they strongly encourage creating an image of the absent parent that doesn’t harm the children’s perception of themselves, or of fathers/mothers/men/women in general. They note several points that they feel get to the bottom of why parents should try hard to make sure that the absent parent is still in the children’s lives in some way:
- Your children do have a father/mother.
- It is in your children’s interests that they can have a positive view of him/her. The vast majority of parents can find something positive to say about their ex. Try thinking back to why you got together in the first place!
- The children will want to find out about their other parent at some point. Many children don’t mention that to the parent they’re with, but the questions are always there.
- Children need an understandable reason why their parent isn’t in their life at the moment. If you don’t give them a reason, they will make one up themselves – they often think it’s because they’re not loveable.
- Any negative feelings you have about ‘dad’ or ’mum’ and their absence should be dealt with by you, in whatever way you feel appropriate, away from the children.
You can download Kate and Emily’s worksheet here: Helping your children get to know their absent parent.
You can also visit www.kateandemily.com for advice about coming back into a child’s life after absence, both for the parent who wants to come back, and the parent the child lives with.
Visit the forum and look at the topics ‘when your ex reappears’, ‘children don’t live with you?’ and ‘Just for dads’.