We understand it may be difficult to talk about child maintenance if you're separating or living apart from the other parent. But if you feel able to try and talk, it may help you find common ground about how to arrange child maintenance for your child.
You may be arranging child maintenance for the first time, or adapting a private agreement because your circumstances have changed. Here are some ways you can start to talk about it.
Types of negotiation
Private: if you can both try to put your child's needs first, you may be able to reach a private agreement with the other parent, without any need for help.
Mediation: family mediators are trained to help people reach agreement. You both talk about your views in their presence and they won't take sides. It usually takes between two and six sessions to reach an agreement. On average, three to four sessions of mediation will cost £400 – £600, shared between both parents (Family Mediation Helpline). If you're eligible for legal aid, family mediation is free.
Collaborative law: each parent can appoint a collaborative family lawyer. They give you advice and sit with you as you talk about things face to face. This can prevent the stress and expense of going to court. Many cases are resolved over four to six meetings. A lawyer will charge per hour of work. Legal aid is not available for collaborative law.
You can find mediation and collaborative law organisations in our links page.
Don't use access as a bargaining tool
Remember that child maintenance is a separate issue from access to your child. Access should not be used as a way of getting more, or paying less, maintenance.
The most important thing is that your child is supported financially. It's not about winning or losing. The only loser in a bad child maintenance agreement is the child.
The starting point
Negotiation works best when both parents genuinely want to find a solution that's fair and realistic, putting the needs of your child first.
If you feel at risk of being bullied into a bad child maintenance agreement, or you feel you may be at risk of violence, then you may not want to try discussing it.
Are you able to talk about child maintenance?
- Can you put aside your feelings about the end of your relationship?
- Do you feel confident your discussions will be open and honest?
- Can you forget about scoring points?
Do you need any help?
If you both want to try and talk about child maintenance, think about whether you need:
- help with deciding where to start
- legal advice
- help from mediators, counsellors or collaborative law practitioners.
Read about how to start talking about child maintenance.
