Discuss child maintenance in the right way, and you're more likely to reach an
agreement that everyone is happy with. This means getting prepared before you talk and knowing exactly what
you want to get from your discussions with the other parent.
Of course it's not always possible for parents to talk to each other. If you don’t feel ready, why not
give us a call to find out other ways the Options service can help you?
What this guide is for
This guide will help you choose where, when and how you want to talk with the other parent, as well
as organising what issues you want to talk about.
What this guide isn't for
This guide won’t give you tips on how to talk or structure the conversation. If that’s what you’re
looking for, our leaflet Getting Started contains useful information about negotiation.
What's the process?
This guide is to prepare you for a discussion. It has four-steps, and once you’ve worked through it
you should be ready for a constructive discussion. Ask the other parent to work through the guide separately
so you both have a clear idea of your own ideas and goals when you start to talk.
First, print off the personal record sheet
, 
and then work through the four steps. You
can read through the questions at your computer, or download a PDF of them if you prefer.
However you work through the questions, it’s important to fill in your personal record sheet so you’ve got
a record of how you want your discussions to proceed. You can take this sheet to your discussion as a reminder
of what you want.
So sit down, move onto the first section and get started.
And remember to put the welfare of your child first.
- Is private negotiation best for you?
- Other types of negotiation
Is private negotiation right for you?
Negotiation works best when both parents work together to find a fair solution. It won't work if you could
be bullied into a bad agreement, or at risk of violence, so you need to ask yourself:
- Can you put the needs of your child first?
- Can you put aside your feelings about the end of your relationship?
- Will you both be open and honest?
- Can you forget about scoring points?
If you can answer yes to these questions then private negotiation could work well for you. But if you
can't, another type of negotiation might be more suitable.
Other types of negotiation
Mediation: you will both talk about your views in the presence of family mediators, trained
to help people reach agreements. This usually takes between two and six sessions and can cost over £100 per
session. But if you're eligible for legal aid, family mediation is sometimes free.
Collaborative law: each parent can appoint a collaborative family lawyer. They will give
you advice and sit with you and the other parent as you talk face to face. This can prevent the stress and
expense of going to court, but can still be expensive as lawyers charge per hour and legal aid is not
available.
You can find mediation and collaborative law organisations in our useful organisations page.
